No longer living out loud

Date August 1, 2011

or how time, the web, things have changed.


Even before the internet, I spent a lot of time in my head. Then I spent a lot of time online. The internet in the late 90s taught me lots of things. The early 00s brought me an online network of like minded people who inspired me to size acceptance and photography.

Once I loved blogs- I would spend hours online looking into other people’s lives. Loving what they had to say, admiring their design, their courage, their humour. Once I loved to blog- I berated myself if I didn’t do it weekly, even if I didn’t have anything to say. I was the girl who always taking pictures, here and there, but particularly at social gatherings, I held onto every moment. So many of those photos ended up online. For a while there, I twittered too. I found myself a circle of folks whose words and moments I felt I was part of.

But things have changed. These days, you don’t need a personal website- because now you’ve got facebook for all your online communication needs. You don’t spend hours on a design, changing it monthly, because that’ll never work on a mobile device.

I changed too- once my circle of friends was small, I lived miles from them and when we got together, every moment counted. Even when I came back to the city I held onto that for so long, photos here and there. Now I only take a few, probably on my phone and even they won’t be online.

I still read blogs from time to time, and occasionally twitter, but my life is now enveloped by something else, something larger. I have lots of friends, or at least that’s what facebook tells me, but I don’t have much time for what I loved to do: spend time with friends, watch movies, take photos, blog. I’m something and someone else- and now I don’t want to share what’s within me with the rest of the world. I don’t think it’s my stage in life, my job or my mind. I still spend a lot of time in my head, just now I no longer want to live out loud. Maybe it’s proof I didn’t have that much to say anyway.

So to the meagre few who passed this way, I say thank you for reading and commenting. To the real life friends who shared those moments, I embrace you. To crashingsilence.net- you are now like an old friend:thank you for giving me an outlet, a voice, a focus, an chance to learn so much and an experience.

Good- bye

I expect in the not too distant future, I’ll shut down the blog, and have the domain redirect to whatever lights the spark for me in my future

Date August 1, 2011

Flood

Date January 20, 2011

The past few weeks my city has been inundated, taken by a deluge, paralysed. We, luckily were unaffected, isolated, without power for a day- but dry, comfortable, and fearless.

I know people who were stressed, panicked, isolated, homeless and lost everything- I feel for them. Read the rest of this entry »

Spring

Date September 15, 2010

Spring always seems to sneak up on me, leaving me in a whirl.

Place marks and promises.

Date July 1, 2010

How much do I love the chance to make another resolution I won’t fulfill or a deadline that I’ll never meet. I’m the queen of making promises, looking to make a clean sweep that is lost and forgotten after a few days. Maybe I’m complacent, a procrastinator or just not motivated enough.

Read the rest of this entry »

By way of explaination…..

Date March 22, 2010

I have a feeling I wish I could explain
I try to spirit it away with logical reasons
that seem all too indulgent-

I’m plagued by first world problems
Deadline season-
an overwhelming sense of obligation-

Not enough time to exercise
But my choice of social engagements
Too much good food and too few green leafy vegetables

Over stimulated and over consuming
of every moment, every opportunity
Are the simple moments passing me by too swiftly

with barely a whimper

Clearing out the cobwebs

Date October 14, 2009

I have thought about shutting down my blog, or just keeping it here as a record- but over the last few weeks, I’ve been feeling the need to post.

I have not had that feeling for a while- I blame a number of things, not that I want to discuss them all in detail: twitter, an ongoing battle with depression, life changes in my extended family and friends. I’ve not wanted to discuss them in a public forum, or elude to them in hushed tones.

Over the last few weeks, I have been feeling slightly better. So I have begun to look at a shift in priorities, the support of new friends and the input of new ideas helps. As does the kind words of more established friends- even if they are not so sure where I am going with this.

So no obligation, no promises, no timetable, no arbitrary goals- but it’s time to begin a shift in priorities.

Reset, restart

Date January 15, 2009

As I said in last week’s post, I’m setting myself little challenges. Things that are achievable, not too overwhelming.

Some I’m meeting, some I’m working on, others I’m grateful for obligation (4 hours of training a week :)).

To start I’ve redesigned my blog. After about 2 years- I have finally redesigned my blog. For so long I’ve been using a generic template because I just couldn’t do what I wanted. It’s not exactly what I wanted, but it’s close and I’m happy with myself because I’ve persevered. Read the rest of this entry »

Moving onto 2009

Date January 8, 2009


2008 was a bit of a roller coaster for me: I lost my Grandpy, had a chance at a writing contract, saw my best friend get married, found going back to the classroom difficult and continued to struggle with personal issues of health and fitness, fertility and depression.

Because of this I seem to have neglected many of things that make me happy- photography, writing and webstuff, spending time with friends.

Even as I headed into holidays there were so many things I wanted that I just haven’t got to, because of Christmas and illness- sewing, photos, movies.

So, I’m passing on resolutions. To be honest, I hate resolutions because the become a year end reminder of what I haven’t achieved.I’m going to put more thought and time into doing something more concrete, just not right now.

¬†Instead, I’m looking for little challenges in 2009

 

 

 

Call me…

Date December 16, 2008

sentimental and deeply neurotic. It’s how I feel right now