Putting it all in perspective

April 8, 2006

To say I’ve had a bad week would be an understatement, there has been tears, yelling and gnashing of teeth. It’s been awful. Not kid related at all- mainly to do with what I’ve got to do, in what time and the support (or in some cases, lack thereof) I am getting.
I’m feeling very disillusioned with my job. I know I’ve said this sort of thing before, I’m generally not the brightest of people, but this is different. I really feel bad everyday. Nauseous- thinking of ways to get out of it. I’ve already taken too many sick days this year. I’ve been trying to think why- I like most of my students, I don’t have any I can’t stand face (unlike past years), I like my classes, I enjoy most of what I’m teaching and I have fun with the kids in class or extra curricular stuff. In fact, the kids are why I’m there.
It’s got a lot to do with the people I work with- those in the staff room who freeze me out, others who expect stuff without doing anywork, people who expect things immediately when I’m in charge of 30 teenagers, those people who say I do too much- but don’t offer to help me, and those who think I am disorgansied and don’t get things done properly. These are my collegues, professionals, many of whom seem to have lost any empathy or collegial support. It’s frustrating. I’ve looked at my options and I’m thinking of a few ways to reduce that frustration- watch this page.
I know I whinge, and I know there are other’s worse off than me, and of course, my life could be a hell of a lot worse. Yesterday brought that all into perspective.
Friday is our shopping day, driving back from Sunnybank, BMB points out some smoke on the horizon, in the direction of our house. I dismiss it, saying that it’ll be kids lighting fires down the creek. As we get closer, it’s too far north to be the creek- in fact it’s in the top part of the road, near our house. BMB starts to get anxious- it looks like our block.
There’s two sets of lights to our place and they can’t change soon enough. The closer we get, the closer it looks like it’s our place. I have an empty pit in my stomach thinking of the cats.
As we turn into our street- there is a roadblock of police cars and fire crews. There is a group of people standing around the house two doors up. The fire is almost out now, but the place has been gutted.

We go the back way around, hoping we can get into our driveway. The cops are just past it and let us in. I’m shaking, but releived. I’m also upset and worried. I know most of the families on our part of the street and I’m concerned about the family that lives in the house on the corner that is still surrounded by fireys.
I see one of the little boys, but not his grandfather who is a fixture of the street. There is an ambulance with a stretcher near the house. I’m worried what or who the firefighters are going to bring out. I scan the groups of people on the street watching the house still burning. There he is, with the rest of his family- watching. Their car was parked outside our house.

My life might be bad- but yesterday I didn’t watch my home and belongings go up in smoke.

Posted in Home, Life, Work, Work Sucks