Bit by Bit

or it was all going so well.
Then the end of term hit. I had work to do, and got lazy- no gym for two weeks.
Then there’s the lunches and choclates. Everyone loves to hand out chocolates close to Easter.

I’m still having trouble being good on the weekend, but worst of all, work has been getting me down. The good thing is that BMB has steered me away from the junk food- the bad thing is, it’s still in the back of my mind.
I’ve got 10 days off and don’t know how I’ll cope- I tend to binge over Easter.
I’m not going to keep this off. So much for 95 by September.
I was looking forward to possibly making babies over summer…..

First up, I have been avoiding this blog and any discussion of my health and fitness like the plague. I really felt like (feel like?) I had given up on it, that I couldn’t do it, it wouldn’t happen.
I’m not the most driven woman in the world and weight loss is not something I have ever acheived.

Today, I went to the cardiologist. I was meant to have lost some weight- more than the three kilos or so I had lost in the last 6 months. So I went, expecting a lecture.

I didn’t quite get a lecture, but I was reminded that “weight loss should be your priority” and that “it’s for the goos of your health”. I should say at this point, my health is pretty good- I’m off most medications, heart function is normal and all within that three year timeframe.

However, the thing that hasn’t changed in those three years is my weight. So the challenge is on, I have been moved to yearly chekups, rather than 6 monthly ones. I have to lose 20kgs in the next 12 months.

Realistic, yes. Acheivable- probably. Hard- you bet.
Peter and I had a chat tonight about what we have to change to get back on track- reducing fat, cutting carbs and increasing excercise (this is a priority). Which is going to mean less time on my butt in front of a computer, and more time walking- or something.

I’ve set the challenge- now I have to acheive it.

I seem to be suffering two things, a lack of commitment or motivation to excercise and an obsession with hamburgers.
Neither is good for weight loss. Moreso- my next meeting with the doc is only a month away. It’s not going to be good at all. My lack of commitment can be ssen in my failure to blog my feelings and weigh ins. I hate feeling like I have to lose weight, and I hate hating myself for not doing it.
My health seems fine (althought this mysterious blood pressure could be weight related, but doubtful) but I’m more worried about getting the green light for a family. I don’t know if I want kids, but I want the option.
At the moment, with out self control and excercise, I don’t ahve that option.
I’m at least trying to organise my time to excersise, but it doesn’t happen, after work I feel too tired to walk. Let alone all the other stuff I feel I have to do once I get home.

I know it’s excuses- I need to make it work- I just don’t know how.