The Suicide Diet
To tell you the truth, it’s not been going well. I had no chance to excercise this week and no motivation to keep on trak with eating. I have been tired and bored with ‘good food’ and feel deprived and lost.
So this week has been a binge of junk food, hiding food and general selfhate. I like to call it the Suicde Diet- the idea that maybe eating myself to death wouldn’t be such a bad idea, becasue at least I could die happy. Don’t call the guys in white coats for me yet- this is not an indication of wanting to do self harm, as such. I have learnt that I am too much of a wuss. What it really is, is the realisation that I have to change, but the petualnt child, my Veruca Salt if you will, doesn’t want to.
Last week I bought a family block of chocolate, hid it and ate it. I think I also had Brodies at some stage. Sunday I bought more choclate- I’ve only eaten half of it (so far).
This week, I had to cook Monday night’s dinner, as BMB was at Executive till late. So I rewarded myself with a apple pie and cream. Not taking into account I had pie and cream Saturday night. Tuesday and Thursday I had a Gloria Jean’s Violet Crumble Iced Chocolate- with cream. I knew Peter would be out on Saturday so I planned to have the rest of the pies and KFC. I didn’t actually feel like it yesterday, but did it anyway.
It’s not that I can’t control my food cravings, but part of me doesn’t want to. Part of me wants the lardy goodness. I’ve been tired and stressed and so my self- resolve to combat my Veruca is not strong enough.
But I’ve drawn the line in the sand. It ends today- and I’ll try again next week to get on top of it. I’ve downloaded some diet diary trials to keep me on track, so I’ll give them a go. I’m also investigating some ‘alternative’ support, maybe hyponsis or acupunture.