Food Porn and the Psych (optifast week 2)
Maybe starting this so close to my birthday, wasn’t a good idea. This week has not been good.
I’m happy to gloss over the fact I haven’t been to the gym, and the only excercise I did was skating training (2 hours) on Tuesday night. I’ll linger a little longer on the fact I’ve started seeing a psychologist about my lack of motivation, commitment and issues with food.
As always, I’ll linger longest on food- wonderful food. There’s always the good; Wednesday night for my birthday we had a wonderful pasta with a lovely creamy sauce and I made Nigella choc- cherry cupcakes. We only ate one each, kept one each for last night and packed the rest off to treat the husbands workmates. I’ve been pretty good with cravings and such, but I think my birthday treats have hit a crazy button and now I’m a binge waiting to happy.
There’s the bad: I haven’t been as conscientious with this as I like, but I’ve been trying to balance it. You know, steak sandwich in the pub and nothing but shakes and bars for the rest of the day. usually for me, there have only been a few slip ups. Then there are the outside incfluences- morning tea at work and birthday celebrations at the inlaws. I’m not good when there is lots of lovely things in front of me. Sunday it was mad, chips, violet crumble, lollies, kabana- you name it. No matter how I tried I could stop eating it.
Then there’s the ugly- today I’m considering secretly throwing this weekend to the wolves. We have my birthday celebrations tomorrow, a Tupperware party Sunday (hosted by me) and peter’s gaming Sunday. All prime oppurtunities to go nuts. The worst thing is I’m craving my past life past breakfast (bacon and egg roll and jumbo latte) and I can’t stop thinking about my school days tuckhops favouite- hot pie on a white bread roll.
I know how junkies must feel when they can’t get a fix. I would *kill* someone for some junk food right now. yesterday I’m poring over recipe books and food magazine, hoping the visual stimulation would make it better. No siree- I just want it more. I don’t know what’s in this stuff, but I think it’s messing with my head.
Weigh in- 108.8 (home) /109.3 (dietician)
February 8th, 2008 at 7:38 am
[…] You’ll find it here- (Warning!- Full of self loathing, pity and discussion of strange cravings). I’d suggest not torturing yourself quite frankly. Birthday update at 7. Filed under Diet and Excercise | […]
February 8th, 2008 at 1:04 pm
oh im EXACTLY the same!
shopping by myself was a nightmare. i went nuts.. for “other people” its hard having a cupboard of bickies. did you know timtam has some mad hazelnut latte bar thingos? FUCKS SAKE!!!
February 8th, 2008 at 10:15 pm
Don’t give in…… Don’t give up….. Steak Sandwich had lettuce, tomato, etc on it - that’s good for you…. think positive ….. I was very impressed with you last weekend, esp as we went to the movies - that’s my downfall, you had great will power and I”m very proud of you, for having your coffee bar and water, while I ate pure fat….. baby steps… think baby steps…. I have faith in you, you can do this, you have great willpower… hint… if you feel like loads of lard… look at it (the food in question) and imagine 50 maggots or fly’s eggs writhing all over it….. or think of vomit.. that normally helps me with cravings….
thinking of you always