I planned to get up every morning and go to the gym. But that’s unrealistic- I’m aiming for 3-4 visits. Maybe 5-6 next week- I’ve got to work up to it.
Damn Mondays- fish and chips, M&Ms- such a bad, bad thing. But Wasabi mayonaise makes it taste nice. On the fish of course, with the M&Ms would be just weird.
Fast food sucks.
Last night, about 11, coming home from Tony’s I was really hungry. I’d had some bikkies and dip, wine and few chips since my big breakfast- so I was a bit peckish. I seem to find that going to the gym makes me hungrier, I don’t think that’s a good thing.
Anyway, after driving to a few better choices (all shut), I dropped into the local Macca’s for a smal chips and some McNuggets. When I got to them they were cold and gross, but I ate them anyway.
This morning I’m grumpy, depressed, shouty, weepy and irritable. I didn’t even feel like nookie. I must be Morgan Spurlock 
Anyway, this is my proof that fast food is a bad, bad thing.
It’s been a pretty good week, I’ve been to the gym 3 times (at 5am in the morning twice) and heading out for a 4th trip today.
I’ve been pretty good with food too, although I’ve succumbed to some Peanut M&M eggs (currently hidden on top of my computer desk), I’m rationing them out.
Even when I didn’t have time for lunch during the week- I had sushi. In fact my biggest indulgence for the week- a violet crumble iced choclate from gloria Jean’s, and I’m more morally opposed that nutritionally opposed to it ATM, but I had a freebie on my loyalty card and I decided to use it!
I’m not sure this is for me: dieting and blogging. It all seems so hard. I’m no good at writing down my feelings with food- I want to hide it, the food, the feelings, my fat. I’m trying but it’s hard.
Small successes today: sunday brekky outing- rather than eggs, bacon, hash browns and holandiase sauce, I compromised with Trukey, avo and camenbert crossaint. Not great but better.
No ice cream or lollies at the candy bar, even though I was faning for some peanut M&M’s.
I’ve been very good since I got home. So far- today’s been good and I’m about to go to bed.
oooh I did the gym thing today. The tales to tell. Bright shiny boy PT. Nice weights, bad lunges. Feeling stupid, unfit and nervous. I’m determined the stepper will kill me.
I’m trying to get up at 5.15 to do this?
I think I’m out of my mind.
I’ll write more when my brains working and my legs stop hurting
My original plan was to start a monitored programf rom 3/1/06.
Clearly this has not happened. I have been monitoring and recording my food intake, but have not modified my intake, or started the excercise program.
Lax, I know. I’m hoping to get into the swing of things as next week I’m back at work and will have money for the gym and a schedule to stick to.
Side note: Had KFC this evening, spent the whole day thinking about it
Currently: 115kg
Well, there is only a few days until I take control again.
As part of my ‘easing into’ weight loss again, I’m trying to give myself a last try at those things I won’t be able to have much of.
BMB had to go out, so I ‘treated’ myself to some HJ’s. I didn’t really feel like it, but as I tend to do this sort of stuff on my own [throwbacks to binging behaviour] I wanted to do it while he was out. I debated myself whether I should get HJ’s, KFC or milk bar takeaway. In the end it doesn’t matter, they all have the end result- keep me at my current weght and spark minor IBS. 
I went for HJ’s as I love the mayonaise on the Bacon deluxe, but it seems the universe is working against me, as the silly bint at the counter gave me a Whopper instead. No lovely mayo, just dodgy pickles……………….
I almost called them, but what’s the use? It’s karma- reminding I should stop stuffing around once and for all.
I’ve been thinking a lot about my weight, health and fitness lately.
Without a doubt something needs to be done. Like, everytime, what better time to re-focus myself than the New Year. Until I got sick, I only ever half- heartedly approached weight loss. It was never serious, I love food too much. I thought about how nice it might be to be a normal size, or fit into some nice clothes, but I never did the hard yards.
When I first got sick, I tried. God how I tried. It was hard. I was at home all day- bored out of my brain, worried, tired, stressed and the doctors say “Lose weight”. I’ve got nothing to do and they expect me to eat less. With the gym and BMB’s support, it worked. Since then, my resolution has waned.
There’s been work, moving, house, mortgage etc all to get in the way. The cardiologist says this has to be my focus. For the last 4 months it hasn’t. But there are 8 months till I see her- which gives me some time, if I get it right.
I have a plan- it’s going to start Jan 3. So what is this plan?
#1- Input
Rather than the usual faffing about with a low fat, low carb or low gi plan, I’m going to count calories. Lo and behold- an old fashioned idea. It needs commitmnet, but I’ll do it.
#2- Output
I’m going back to the gym. I’m going to try and improve my fitness, as well as burning fat
#3- Overall health
I’m looking into a psych or life coach to help me with my feelings about food.
#4- Know myself
Self- acceptance was pretty easy for me, I came to accept my size and mindset. I’m confident with what I’ve got and try and do the best with it. Now I have to change my mind to change what I have. I have to listen to my body and try to help it, not just accept it.
There it is, in black and white- THE PLAN.
BTW there are some back up ideas to THE PLAN, so stay tuned.
We’ve arrived back from our Xmas trip to Mum’s. Despite BMB’s injuries- we had a pretty good time. Mum surprises me, for as long as I can remember, she’s always been at me about food, but the food was never ending. The three days we were there we probably only ate half the food she had bought.
When we left there were still 2 packets of chips, half a packet of nuts, a cooked duck, salad veges galore, 2 L of ice crea, 1L of custard and loads of soft drink in the fridge.
I’m stuffed like a Christmas turkey.
Today I went to the gym. I have a free 7 day pass and I intend on going at least every weekday. It seemed nice, like Bodybalance in Mt Isa. Friendly, open, focused on the clients. I can’t say I like the packages, but I think I can make it suit me.
I haven’t been eating great, but it could be worse- Christmas and all that, with the end of work, there is heaps of chocolate in the house and my brain is convinced, it must be eaten now. There’s also a leg of ham to finish and holidays means eggs for breakfast.
There was a letter from my doctor today, asking me to follow up on a blood test in October. My cholesterol is quite high and he is concerned about something else. The letter has made me a little annoyed. It infers that I should follow up on a test, that they should not have to remind me. This was a check- up, I assumed that if there was something wrong, I would be contacted. That seems to be what other doctors do. I’m not looking forward to the appointment tomorrow, I believe there will be discussion of weight and nutrition and somehow I don’t think I’ll like any of it